Ads if Everyone Advertised like Old-Spice Advertised...Advertising

Everyone knows about Old Spices clever new ads. They're some of the few commercials people will actually intentionally search out, and they are really sucessful: following the debut in 2010, sales went up 11% in 2011. Outside of how funny and clever and absolutely ridiculous these adds are, I think a large part of their appeal comes from the fact that they don't take them to seriously but are completely honest. This is in stark contrast to the Axe advertisements that seem to make silly promises of sexual prowess and attraction if their product is used; Axe's ads are absurd but it seems like they are taking themselves too seriously. The Axe campaign, if it was trying to be tongue in cheek, failed to do so well and completely turned me off to the product. Because I'm a spiteful little turd, I will not support a product with such a blatantly "HAHA, we're kidding, but seriously chicks will dig you" because, well they're doing it wrong. Old Spice is doing the same thing, but they tell you they are doing it, and that's fun. I'm not a big sucker, but I'm not even particularly fond of Old Spice's product, but I bought one because I like the ads and want to support the continuation of their running (also the product was called "Wolfthorn", and that is awesome and ridiculous).

Today's society is one with a complete saturation of endless advertisements. It's refreshing to see one that is fun and isn't trying to trick you someway. It just makes you associate its product with fun and humor and that makes me want to buy it.

So what if more companies used this approach to advertising (absurdity, transparency, comedy , etc)?

Well I decided to make some up.

Is Pepsi Okay?

There’s a joke online about a more accurate slogan for Pepsi Cola:

The joke being that when one asks for a drink at a restaurant the default request is always coke, but some restaurants sign deals with Pepsi Cola to only serve their product. Therefore there is no coke to be had and the waiter must respond with "Is Pepsi okay?" The joke is that Pepsi is only the choice when there is no other alternative. Ha Ha, internet, you are clever.

The thing is, my father works for Pepsi, so Pepsi is clearly a superior product to Coca-Cola, and that this joke is understood universally makes me a bit sad. But not really, I just wanted to challenge myself to making up slogans for a company. So lets play with your advertising a bit here...

Planet Fitness Key to Success

I am agitated.

A really good (lazy) way of showing agitation through writing is by foregoing introductions and jumping directly into your venomous topic.

or you can punch the keyboard

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That was a bad joke, Hayden, and your pathological need to use humor as a way to make people like you is softening the argument you are to start now.

I despise Planet Fitness. It is a sham of a gym with too little equipment that makes policies and has services that are deliberately detrimental to actual training.The more infamous of these being the Lunk Alarm (used to single out people grunting or using excessive weight) and days where the gym itself provides high carb and fat foods like pizza and bagels. The floor plans of the gym are also very focused around shamefully placing the free weights in the corner (because you might feel "gymtimidated"by heavy lifters),  tightly clustering the weight machines [which makes them unpleasant to be in as you are forced to stare at someone either face to face, or gaze directly into their asshole (I think Nietzsche has a famous quote about what happens when one stares into the abyss)], and only giving physical and visual space to the circuit training area (for short, timed, and ordered exercises) and the cardio equipment. 

Now notice how the circuit training equipment is yellow and the cardio equipment is either black or white, while the weight machines are all that foul purple?

Notice how the circuit training area is set up so that you don't have to look directly at someone and is typically in a semi-circular enclosure so outsiders cannot really look in?

Why do you think a gym would seek to push out bodybuilders and power lifters willing to pay more for gym memberships?

Why provide bagels and pizza?

Why cater to people demanding to pay less for your gym?

Continue on for more ranting...